Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Lucky

This is one of those moments when I really have so much to do and shouldn't be blogging but, it is what it is. I just needed to share a few thoughts I've been having lately. 

This semester has been hands down the hardest time I have ever experienced in my life. Not even just with school but with life in general. I have never felt so overwhelmed, so stressed, so incapable, and pretty much anything else bad. I've been such a train wreck lately and my emotions are off the charts. I'm seriously surprised people don't hate me. Or maybe they do.. Haha

A few days ago, I was having my weekly breakdown (I allow myself one breakdown a week. Yeah, it's just that hard.. Maybe I'm just that pathetic?) and my AMAZING dad talked me through this one. 
I told him how I felt like I was drowning and I wasn't going to make it until the end of the semester. I told him I wanted to quit and just be done with school. I was seriously on the verge of hysteria, you know, sobbing so hard you can't breathe and then start hiccuping. 
He told me to relax for a second.
Then, he reminded me how lucky I am. 

At first, I just stared at him... (and secretly wanted to smack him...) I wanted to yell at him, "Are you freaking kidding me!? I'm taking one of the hardest classes in the western half of the nation, studying 30+ hours a week, working, and running for the university! I barely have time to shower! And you think I'm lucky!?!?"

This semester has really brought out the drama in me. 

He proceeded to tell me that I am even lucky to be going to school, he reminded me that even if I don't do well my parents won't love me any less, my Heavenly Father won't love me any less, and that I'm still pretty darn great. 

Then, it hit me. Like a brick to the face.
I AM so lucky.

I have a home to come to every night with a warm bed to sleep in, and even though my classes suck I'm so blessed to even be going to school. I have a healthy body and a loving family. I have a knowledge of the gospel and I get to see it bless my life everyday.

My mom's cousin just lost her 17 month old little boy in a tragic accident a few days ago and it would have been the most heartbreaking thing ever if I didn't know that he is with our Heavenly Father, a perfect person with his job here on earth done. I'm so grateful and lucky to know that. 

So even though I don't get as much sleep as I need, I cry pretty much on the daily, I'm at school for 12 hours a day, and my life seems so hard right now....
I have the best team in the whole world backing me up.

And yeah, I'm pretty darn lucky. 



12 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, thank you! It's been a while! Hope to see you around soon!

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  2. Amazing post!!! My brother has started college full time this year and I am sure he feels the exact same way! I agree with you though that when you are so stressed out and you do have a melt down, when someone says you are so lucky, I just want to smack them too!

    Jessica @ Sunny Days and Starry Nights

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  3. I can totally relate babe. I will try to channel your optimism! See you at Thanksgiving (if we survive by then!). Xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Hopefully we both make it... By the way. Girl, where is your blog!? Get on that! XoXo

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  4. Awesome post. You are amazing, Montana. I cross my fingers that my girls will grow up to be like their older cousins. I still get in ruts like this. I also have to step back and look at what I do have. Keep it up! It will all be worth it some day. Promise!

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  5. i know how easy it gets to be overwhelmed and frustrated while going to school and it sounds like you have so much on your plate! but your optimism is so encouraging - glad to have stumbled upon your blog and this post. :) p.s. weekly breakdowns are TOTALLY allowed during college, i'm convinced. ;) keep up the positivity, girl! you seem like a total sweetheart.

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  6. Great Blog! Would you like to follow each other?

    Much Love,
    http://amyklundt.blogspot.com/

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  7. Nothing like family to put you right back into perspective =) How blessed you are to have a dad who will help you get through all the craziness that life throws at you...family is the best isn't it??!!

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    Replies
    1. Family IS the best!! I definitely agree with that :)

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  8. Wonderful blog

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