This is one of those moments when I really have so much to do and shouldn't be blogging but, it is what it is. I just needed to share a few thoughts I've been having lately.
This semester has been hands down the hardest time I have ever experienced in my life. Not even just with school but with life in general. I have never felt so overwhelmed, so stressed, so incapable, and pretty much anything else bad. I've been such a train wreck lately and my emotions are off the charts. I'm seriously surprised people don't hate me. Or maybe they do.. Haha
A few days ago, I was having my weekly breakdown (I allow myself one breakdown a week. Yeah, it's just that hard.. Maybe I'm just that pathetic?) and my AMAZING dad talked me through this one.
I told him how I felt like I was drowning and I wasn't going to make it until the end of the semester. I told him I wanted to quit and just be done with school. I was seriously on the verge of hysteria, you know, sobbing so hard you can't breathe and then start hiccuping.
He told me to relax for a second.
Then, he reminded me how lucky I am.
At first, I just stared at him... (and secretly wanted to smack him...) I wanted to yell at him, "Are you freaking kidding me!? I'm taking one of the hardest classes in the western half of the nation, studying 30+ hours a week, working, and running for the university! I barely have time to shower! And you think I'm lucky!?!?"
He proceeded to tell me that I am even lucky to be going to school, he reminded me that even if I don't do well my parents won't love me any less, my Heavenly Father won't love me any less, and that I'm still pretty darn great.
Then, it hit me. Like a brick to the face.
I AM so lucky.
I have a home to come to every night with a warm bed to sleep in, and even though my classes suck I'm so blessed to even be going to school. I have a healthy body and a loving family. I have a knowledge of the gospel and I get to see it bless my life everyday.
My mom's cousin just lost her 17 month old little boy in a tragic accident a few days ago and it would have been the most heartbreaking thing ever if I didn't know that he is with our Heavenly Father, a perfect person with his job here on earth done. I'm so grateful and lucky to know that.
So even though I don't get as much sleep as I need, I cry pretty much on the daily, I'm at school for 12 hours a day, and my life seems so hard right now....
I have the best team in the whole world backing me up.
And yeah, I'm pretty darn lucky.
