Monday, February 20, 2017

no shame

At the beginning of January I met this lady that I will be in pretty regular contact with over the next couple of months. When we first met, we introduced ourselves and we told each other about our lives. She went first.
Her life is full of adventure. Fun, adrenaline-pumping, travel around the world, spontaneous, flying by the seat of her pants stuff. She is a little older, not married, and from what she said, lives a pretty cool life. It sounded awesome.
Then, it was my turn. I gushed about Kade and how he is the best best ever, how we just bought a house, how I'm still a student, and we live in Provo, and we're having a baby!! 
Her next question to me was, "How old are you?" I told her I was 23 and the whole atmosphere changed instantly. She became pretty disengaged and slightly standoffish and almost like she was looking down at me. 
I was shocked. Thinking about it for a little, I realized that she may have reacted that way because my life is your pretty average, Utah, mormon girl life. I got married relatively young (22), we've only been married for a year and a half and we're already having kids, and we bought a house in Provo, UT of all places... And that just didn't go with her style. She made it clear that she wanted nothing like the lifestyle I had. It was too cookie cutter and she wanted to be different and fun and definitely not tied down in anyway. 
After she reacted that way, the rest of the meeting was just weird. I started to feel kind of embarrassed about my life and the fact that I was young and married and pregnant. I felt the need to justify my everything in my life. "We bought a house in Provo because it's close to family... and we don't know where we want to end up yet..." "Kade is a little older than I am and so we thought we should start having kids..." You get the idea. 
I came home and was pretty down because of the interaction and I was a little bummed that my life wasn't more exciting or spontaneous like hers. I thought about all the things we wouldn't be able to do soon because we'll have a small human, how we're kind of tied down, and that we're a boring couple. 
I let myself throw a pity party for a minute and then I was like... 

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Before my meeting with this lady I was beyond stoked about my life. I was stoked to be married and having a baby, I was stoked to have our own house, and I thought my life pretty dang amazing. 
Why did what this lady thought of me have to change my opinion about all of that??
Comparison is a real witch I tell ya.
After I ran through all of that in my head, I seriously wanted to cry. I was so ashamed of myself for being ashamed of my life!! I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My life is beautiful! And it's MINE. 
So what if it doesn't conform to her standards? So what if we can't drop everything to travel across the world tomorrow? So what if we're pretty average? Her opinion is NOT important. Her opinion should NOT effect the way I live my life. 
I am proud to be a wife. I am proud to be a soon-to-be-mom and I want everyone to know that gosh dangit!! 
I felt the need to apologize to Kade... So I did and I apologized to the baby and to my house and to myself and basically everything I was ashamed of. And vowed to never do that again. 
My life is imperfectly awesome just the way it is.







no shame

At the beginning of January I met this lady that I will be in pretty regular contact with over the next couple of months. When we first met, we introduced ourselves and we told each other about our lives. She went first.
Her life is full of adventure. Fun, adrenaline-pumping, travel around the world, spontaneous, flying by the seat of her pants stuff. She is a little older, not married, and from what she said, lives a pretty cool life. It sounded awesome.
Then, it was my turn. I gushed about Kade and how he is the best best ever, how we just bought a house, how I'm still a student, and we live in Provo, and we're having a baby!! 
Her next question to me was, "How old are you?" I told her I was 23 and the whole atmosphere changed instantly. She became pretty disengaged and slightly standoffish and almost like she was looking down at me. 
I was shocked. Thinking about it for a little, I realized that she may have reacted that way because my life is your pretty average, Utah, mormon girl life. I got married relatively young (22), we've only been married for a year and a half and we're already having kids, and we bought a house in Provo, UT of all places... And that just didn't go with her style. She made it clear that she wanted nothing like the lifestyle I had. It was too cookie cutter and she wanted to be different and fun and definitely not tied down in anyway. 
After she reacted that way, the rest of the meeting was just weird. I started to feel kind of embarrassed about my life and the fact that I was young and married and pregnant. I felt the need to justify my everything in my life. "We bought a house in Provo because it's close to family... and we don't know where we want to end up yet..." "Kade is a little older than I am and so we thought we should start having kids..." You get the idea. 
I came home and was pretty down because of the interaction and I was a little bummed that my life wasn't more exciting or spontaneous like hers. I thought about all the things we wouldn't be able to do soon because we'll have a small human, how we're kind of tied down, and that we're a boring couple. 
I let myself throw a pity party for a minute and then I was like... 

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Before my meeting with this lady I was beyond stoked about my life. I was stoked to be married and having a baby, I was stoked to have our own house, and I thought my life pretty dang amazing. 
Why did what this lady thought of me have to change my opinion about all of that??
Comparison is a real witch I tell ya.
After I ran through all of that in my head, I seriously wanted to cry. I was so ashamed of myself for being ashamed of my life!! I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. My life is beautiful! And it's MINE. 
So what if it doesn't conform to her standards? So what if we can't drop everything to travel across the world tomorrow? So what if we're pretty average? Her opinion is NOT important. Her opinion should NOT effect the way I live my life. 
I am proud to be a wife. I am proud to be a soon-to-be-mom and I want everyone to know that gosh dangit!! 
I felt the need to apologize to Kade... So I did and I apologized to the baby and to my house and to myself and basically everything I was ashamed of. And vowed to never do that again. 
My life is imperfectly awesome just the way it is.







Friday, February 17, 2017

oh baby!

K, let's pretend my long break never happened. At least that's what I'm going to do....

So, to the present. WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!! There's a bomb for ya.

We found out on October 12th. I hadn't been feeling 100% and Kade suggested I get a pregnancy test. I thought he was crazy! I had been off of birth control for a couple of months by this point and we loosely agreed to start trying but we didn't try very hard for very long! Apparently we are the people that just get pregnant really fast!! Haha. We are very grateful for that, btw.


I felt so bizarre buying this!! 


The faintest of lines haha. But I was assured by the packaging that it doesn't matter how faint it is, it still counts!! 


Maybe not my best look. But also maybe not the worst I've looked this pregnancy... Post-gym, sweaty, no made up face and a lovely backdrop of my parent's garage haha. But, it was still a pretty darn happy moment. 

Here's a quick recap of my pregnancy so far:

1st Trimester - felt okay. That's pretty much it. I got a little nauseous when I woke up and would get that way if I didn't eat at really regular intervals. I'm talking like eating every 2 hours on the dot here... I didn't really like food though, it was more of a chore to eat than anything else. Nothing ever sounded good and smells were never that pleasant for me. Mostly I just wanted someone to make me food. And figure out what I wanted to eat. Because I sure didn't know. Only on occasion I would get cravings. Like, intense-gotta-eat-this-right-now-or-I'm-going-to-die type of cravings but that didn't really happen all that often. The most memorable cravings were potatoes and cream cheese. Not necessarily together, but if they came that way I probably wasn't mad.
For the most part, I was able to do everything I normally did and was just fine! I didn't throw up once and still haven't to this day! (knock on wood) I felt bloated a lot too but basically, I experienced pretty average pregnancy symptoms and they were on the mildest of mild side of the spectrum. Again, SO grateful! #blessed


Here is the first picture of our little peanut! It was the best, best thing ever being able to hear a strong heartbeat. 

2nd trimester - here we are! I turned a corner at about 12 weeks and have felt great since then. No more nausea!! I still eat a lot but that really isn't anything new haha.
We told everyone that we were expecting on Christmas. At that point, I was 15 weeks. We went to Fetal Fotos to find out the gender before we told our families. We just wanted to tell them everything all at once. We are having a BOY!!! Call me crazy but from the second we found out we were pregnant, I totally had this feeling it was a boy. Momtuition? Hunch? Luck? No idea. But it worked out in my favor! Haha.






We had our 20 week appointment and got to look at all of baby boy's body parts. He is healthy and developing just perfectly! That was music to my ears. Leading up to this appointment I was soooo nervous and anxious! Thankfully I had nothing to worry about. At the appointment, the kid was moving a ridiculous amount! If we tried to get a picture of his face he would roll and hide it. When we tried to get a picture of his spine he rolled again. He was so wiggly the whole time! My mom heart just about exploded. It was the cutest thing ever.


This is his freakin' adorable profile! And his hand by his face. By the looks of it, we've got a future thumbsucker on our hands.


Obviously those are his feet. Ah. Reeeeaaaally though. I just can't even!!

I'm currently 23 weeks and feeling pretty stellar. (That's almost 6 months for those who hate counting pregnancies in weeks. I used to be one of those people. It's fine. Really. I get it.) I am out of the stage of looking like I just ate a ton and am overly bloated and my belly is looking more like a pregnant one. Praises! It's weird but I love it. Baby is moving and kicking like crazy. Sometimes it kinda actually hurts! Like when he kicks my kidneys or intestines or whatever else is in there. Most of the time he just sits on my bladder though. So, that's nice.
But, I've been able to keep working out, food tastes good again, I sleep like a baby, my nails are the best they've ever been and I'm diggin this pregnancy thing. The only real thing that may be kind of inconvenient is that I get tired a lot. Most days I nap. But, I don't think napping is bad. In fact, I like it and I like that I have an excuse to do it every day. So, still winning.




Shiz is getting real. Noticeable even under a sweatshirt! 

And there ya have it! Pregnancy according to me, thus far. It's been pretty dang awesome and I'm feeling eeeeextra grateful.

*I feel the need to say that I am seriously so incredible grateful to have had such an easy pregnancy and to be able to have a baby at all. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with any of those things. I am so lucky and count my blessings everyday.

oh baby!

K, let's pretend my long break never happened. At least that's what I'm going to do....

So, to the present. WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!! There's a bomb for ya.

We found out on October 12th. I hadn't been feeling 100% and Kade suggested I get a pregnancy test. I thought he was crazy! I had been off of birth control for a couple of months by this point and we loosely agreed to start trying but we didn't try very hard for very long! Apparently we are the people that just get pregnant really fast!! Haha. We are very grateful for that, btw.


I felt so bizarre buying this!! 


The faintest of lines haha. But I was assured by the packaging that it doesn't matter how faint it is, it still counts!! 


Maybe not my best look. But also maybe not the worst I've looked this pregnancy... Post-gym, sweaty, no made up face and a lovely backdrop of my parent's garage haha. But, it was still a pretty darn happy moment. 

Here's a quick recap of my pregnancy so far:

1st Trimester - felt okay. That's pretty much it. I got a little nauseous when I woke up and would get that way if I didn't eat at really regular intervals. I'm talking like eating every 2 hours on the dot here... I didn't really like food though, it was more of a chore to eat than anything else. Nothing ever sounded good and smells were never that pleasant for me. Mostly I just wanted someone to make me food. And figure out what I wanted to eat. Because I sure didn't know. Only on occasion I would get cravings. Like, intense-gotta-eat-this-right-now-or-I'm-going-to-die type of cravings but that didn't really happen all that often. The most memorable cravings were potatoes and cream cheese. Not necessarily together, but if they came that way I probably wasn't mad.
For the most part, I was able to do everything I normally did and was just fine! I didn't throw up once and still haven't to this day! (knock on wood) I felt bloated a lot too but basically, I experienced pretty average pregnancy symptoms and they were on the mildest of mild side of the spectrum. Again, SO grateful! #blessed


Here is the first picture of our little peanut! It was the best, best thing ever being able to hear a strong heartbeat. 

2nd trimester - here we are! I turned a corner at about 12 weeks and have felt great since then. No more nausea!! I still eat a lot but that really isn't anything new haha.
We told everyone that we were expecting on Christmas. At that point, I was 15 weeks. We went to Fetal Fotos to find out the gender before we told our families. We just wanted to tell them everything all at once. We are having a BOY!!! Call me crazy but from the second we found out we were pregnant, I totally had this feeling it was a boy. Momtuition? Hunch? Luck? No idea. But it worked out in my favor! Haha.






We had our 20 week appointment and got to look at all of baby boy's body parts. He is healthy and developing just perfectly! That was music to my ears. Leading up to this appointment I was soooo nervous and anxious! Thankfully I had nothing to worry about. At the appointment, the kid was moving a ridiculous amount! If we tried to get a picture of his face he would roll and hide it. When we tried to get a picture of his spine he rolled again. He was so wiggly the whole time! My mom heart just about exploded. It was the cutest thing ever.


This is his freakin' adorable profile! And his hand by his face. By the looks of it, we've got a future thumbsucker on our hands.


Obviously those are his feet. Ah. Reeeeaaaally though. I just can't even!!

I'm currently 23 weeks and feeling pretty stellar. (That's almost 6 months for those who hate counting pregnancies in weeks. I used to be one of those people. It's fine. Really. I get it.) I am out of the stage of looking like I just ate a ton and am overly bloated and my belly is looking more like a pregnant one. Praises! It's weird but I love it. Baby is moving and kicking like crazy. Sometimes it kinda actually hurts! Like when he kicks my kidneys or intestines or whatever else is in there. Most of the time he just sits on my bladder though. So, that's nice.
But, I've been able to keep working out, food tastes good again, I sleep like a baby, my nails are the best they've ever been and I'm diggin this pregnancy thing. The only real thing that may be kind of inconvenient is that I get tired a lot. Most days I nap. But, I don't think napping is bad. In fact, I like it and I like that I have an excuse to do it every day. So, still winning.




Shiz is getting real. Noticeable even under a sweatshirt! 

And there ya have it! Pregnancy according to me, thus far. It's been pretty dang awesome and I'm feeling eeeeextra grateful.

*I feel the need to say that I am seriously so incredible grateful to have had such an easy pregnancy and to be able to have a baby at all. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with any of those things. I am so lucky and count my blessings everyday.